Every Mama knows all too well how easy it is to lose themselves once they have kids. By the time your kids are fed, dressed, at school, house is cleaned, kids are fed (again and again and again – seriously are they ever full), kids are driven to after school activities, kids are home, bathed and in bed, laundry is done, forms are filled out, costumes are done house is organized etc etc etc, you finally have 5 minutes to yourself and what do you want to do? Maybe spend 5 minutes with your partner – but more likely all you want to do is watch tv for a few minutes and go to bed. Then tomorrow comes around and it’s the same thing. The same vicious but also wonderful cycle happens day in and day out until one day you’ve forgotten what your own interests are, you feel disconnected from your friends, you feel lost and burnt out and you’re wondering how you managed to get here. Well you got here because you’re a wonderful person that puts her entire family’s needs first which is so kind, but also very dangerous. You can’ t be the best mom that you want to be if you’re pouring from an empty cup. It’s so important to not only show yourself grace during these hard times, but to also put in the work ahead of time to make sure these low points happen less frequently.

Things I do to help prioritize self care:

1. I designate time for myself each week.
   Once a week my husband and I each get a night off to do whatever we want to do. That’s an entire night (or morning depending on what time works best that week) to do whatever we want and not have to worry about being a mom. I often use that time to work out, do crafts, read, shop or go out with friends. This has single handedly been one of the greatest gifts my husband and I have given each other. The gift of alone time has become precious and religious to us.
2. I turn off my phone each night before bed.
   After my phone is off and I’m not distracted by the outside world I do things that are good for my soul. I take a bath, I read, I watch tv with my husband – things that just calm me down and re-centre my energy. I also find I sleep better when I haven’t been staring at my phone right before bed.
3. I try and get all my chores done before my night off.
   Oftentimes I have used my night off for laundry, organizing my office or cleaning and although I feel good that the stuff got done, it doesn’t make me feel great in the long run. My nights off are special and I don’t want to waste them on mundane things if I don’t have to so I try and get all the boring stuff done ahead of time so that I can do things that bring me true joy.
4. I regularly schedule in some pampering time.
   I get my nails done once a month, my hair done twice a year. Once a week I do a face mask, hair mask and then eye masks. By scheduling this time in I feel better about myself and when you feel better you do better.
5. I check in with friends and family as often as I can.
   I really feel like I’ve neglected this category a lot. Partly due to the pandemic and partly due to being so busy with the kids. However, one of my new years resolutions is to see friends at least once a month, preferably twice but I’m trying to be realistic. It may not seem like a hard goal, but trying to work around everyone’s schedules can sometimes be a challenge. All I know is that when I connect with people face to face and not virtually, I feel so much better. Plus there’s nothing that a night full of laughing with your besties can’t cure.

I know it’s easy to ignore your needs, but I promise you that if you prioritize your own needs once in awhile, that you’ll be a much better person, mama, partner and friend. It’ll also be a great example to your kids to show them that it’s important to fight with what makes you happy. So go ahead mama, give yourself the chance to make yourself happy.